Holy trinity

The Conservative Holy Trinity

In Christianity there are three separate beings who together form the one God who is the creator and ruler of the universe. These three distinct beings are the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The Father rules Heaven from his Heavenly Throne. The Son, came to Earth in human form to be rejected and return to Heaven to reign at the right hand of the Father. Finally, the Holy Spirit permeates the entire universe.

For conservatives in the United States, there seems to be a very different Holy Trinity. I find the three things conservatives worship are money/power, the flag, and high capacity semi-automatic military style assault rifles.

The first part of the conservative Holy Trinity is Money/Power. The reason money and power are listed together is because money is used as a conduit to power and then power is used as a conduit to money. Everything is beautiful and circular. People with money use money to pressure people with power, and people with power use their power to help people with money get and keep money. Think of the Kochs and all the creatures of Congress (in all state and federal legislatures) in Koch’s pockets. Money is locked away from the unwashed masses in the name of supply side economics and trickle down economics also known as Reaganomics which always results in recession making money much more precious. (Yes, Saint Ronald Reagan was practically canonized by conservative Trinity worshipers).

The second part of the conservative Holy Trinity is the flag. When attending a sporting event in the United States, before the event everyone should remove their hats, stand and put their right hand over their heart and look with moist eyes at the flag while the national anthem play. This action is very important because if the exact form of obedience is not observed (ie: Colin Kaepernick kneeling before the flag), very bad things will happen. If anyone dares to do anything that appears disrespectful to the flag, then the Conservatives get mad. If you want to see a curator fired up, pretend to set a flag on fire. I know curators who like to “trigger” and “own the libs”, but they don’t realize how much they can get triggered and owned just by the mere thought of an American flag being damaged, not folded correctly or a another imaginary sign of disrespect towards the magical piece of cloth, aka The Flag.

The third and final part of the conservative Holy Trinity is the large capacity semi-automatic military style assault rifle. Conservators love this part of Trinidad so much that they will fight to the death to keep it. No human sacrifice is too much for the conservatives, as long as the humans sacrificed are not them. Every time there’s a mass shooting, the Conservatives start talking about ‘thoughts and prayers’ and ‘that the guns are not at fault, it’s the crazies who are wielding the guns’ and we should just apply the laws we already have. The funny thing is that the Conservatives then fight using any money to fund mental health initiatives and they never actually mention what laws need to be enforced or allocate money for said enforcement. It seems to me that the Conservatives want more guns so that the good guys with guns can stop the bad guys with guns. But how do you tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys? A good guy with a gun is a good guy until he’s not. It takes less than a moment to turn a good guy into a bad guy, too bad these guys don’t wear hats that magically change color. The hats are white when worn by the good guys, but the hats magically turn black on the bad guys. One way or another, the good conservative guys will fight criminals, foreign invasions, rogue law enforcement officers, and any type of American military coup in the United States with these weapons. I wish them luck because just having these weapons puts them in more danger than any criminal, rogue law enforcement, foreign invasion, or US military coup.

So, in summary, the conservative Holy Trinity is Money/Power, The Flag and High Capacity Semi-Automatic Military Assault Rifles. These three objects are revered above all others. Beware of these people, they have become unbalanced lately and very dangerous.